Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur Are Not Sad Days
It’s time to retire the myth of the angry, punishing God.

Every year, as the High Holidays approach, you can feel the tension rise. Sermons turn stern.
Flyers talk about “judgment.” People start to panic about every missed bracha or misstep from the
past year. The underlying message — spoken or not — is that God is angry, and you better get your
act together before it’s too late.
And this isn’t just one cultural stream. You’ll hear the same message in Modern Orthodox
synagogues, Hasidic circles, Litvish yeshivot, and kiruv events. It’s as if everyone signed a deal
with each other to make Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur the most miserable days on the Jewish
calendar.
But that was never the Torah’s intent.

Let’s Talk About Rosh Hashanah

Rosh Hashanah is not “the scariest day of the year.” It’s not even called that. In the Torah, it’s
called Yom Teruah (the day of sounding the shofar) and Yom Zikaron (the day of remembrance). Those
are not words of fear. They are words of awakening and connection.
Rosh Hashanah is a Yom Tov — a holiday. A day to eat nice meals, dress up nicely, and celebrate.
It’s not Tisha B’Av. There are no restrictions on washing or wearing leather shoes.
You’re not supposed to sit in shul all day moaning over your sins. You’re supposed to stand before
God as His child, not His punching bag.
The deeper meaning of Yom Zikaron is that it’s the day when God remembers us — not like someone
trying to catch us in the act, but like someone who pays special attention to each person’s needs.
Just as Tu B’Shvat is the day God “judges” the trees — meaning, He determines what each tree needs
to grow — Rosh Hashanah is the day God does that for us. He looks closely at each soul and says:
What does this one need for the coming year? What’s missing?
What will help them grow?

Somehow, though, we transformed this New Year into a psychological war zone. Guilt was passed down
like an heirloom. People became convinced that being Jewish means being sad.

Here’s a thought experiment: Tu B’Shvat is the “new year for trees,” and nobody walks around that
day asking forgiveness from a lemon tree. But Rosh Hashanah — the new year for human beings — is
treated like a divine trial with no mercy. Why? Who made that up?

Yom Kippur: The Happiest Day of the Year

You read that right.

The Mishnah in Taanit (26b) says: “There were no days as joyous for the Jewish people as Yom Kippur
and Tu B’Av.”
Yes, Yom Kippur — the day everyone dreads — is actually the happiest day of the year.
Why? Because it’s the day of forgiveness. The day where even the big mistakes, the real ones, get
wiped clean. God hits the reset button. What could be more joyous than that?
But here’s the kicker: the Mishnah doesn’t just say it was a happy day. It says it was a day of
singles events. Literally. On Yom Kippur, the young women of Jerusalem would dress in white and
dance in the vineyards. The young men would come and look for brides.
You heard that right. Singles mixers. On Yom Kippur. Not on Purim. Not on Lag BaOmer. On the
holiest day of the year.
So ask yourself: if Yom Kippur was meant to be a day of misery, would the rabbis have sanctioned
matchmaking circles? Of course not.
My father — Rabbi Yitzhak Abadi — once explained this beautifully. I asked him: why pick Yom Kippur
for such an event like choosing a life partner? It seems counterintuitive.
He said: “Because on Yom Kippur, you are your best self. You’re honest. You’re elevated.
You’re clean. That’s when you make the right decisions — when your soul is shining.”

We’ve forgotten this. We act like Yom Kippur is a day to feel bad. It’s not. It’s a day to feel
free and pure.

Why Do We Fast? Not for Guilt.

Some people get confused. They say, “If it’s such a happy day, why are we fasting?”

But not all fasting is the same. On Tisha B’Av, we fast because we’re mourning. On Yom Kippur, we
fast because we are becoming like angels. It’s the one day a year we step out of our physical needs
and enter a higher space.
The Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzvah 185) explains that by not eating or drinking, we remove distractions.
We become focused. We purify ourselves. That’s not sadness — that’s transcendence.

How to Actually Do the Holidays Right

It’s time to drop the fear. Stop obsessing over every custom or every page in the machzor.
God isn’t checking how many Al Chet lists you got through.

Here’s how to reclaim these holidays:

• Rosh Hashanah:

o Celebrate. Eat well. Wear something beautiful.

o Pray the Amidah/Shemona Esrey with intention. That’s the core.

o Don’t feel guilty for skipping the extra-long piyyutim. They’re not Torah. They’re not even
halachah.
o Smile. It’s a special day.

• Yom Kippur:

o Don’t fear it. Welcome it.

o Realize it’s a once-a-year opportunity to clean your soul.

o Pray the Amidah/Shemona Esrey slowly. That’s the real centerpiece.

o Don’t get lost in the performance. Connect.

o Kol Nidrei? It’s just a legal formula about annulling vows. It’s not the emotional climax of the
night.

o Focus on the important things, like the Amida/Shemona Esrey. There are a total of 5 of them.
Arbit/Maariv, Shacharit, Mussaf, Mincha & Ne’ilah. Talk to God directly. Say hello. Yell at
him/her. Ask for things.
Connect.

Conclusion: The Days of Joy Are Back
God is not angry at you.

If He was, He wouldn’t have created Yom Kippur. He wouldn’t have told you that once a year, no
matter what happened, He’s giving you a clean slate.
Rosh Hashanah is a Yom Tov — not a trial.
Yom Kippur is a gift — not a punishment.
Let’s drop the fear. Let go of the inherited guilt. Let’s return to these holidays the way the
Torah intended: as moments of light, celebration, and closeness to God.

This year, walk into Rosh Hashanah with joy. Walk into Yom Kippur with peace. And
walk out of both with your head held high.