Recent comments by a prominent rabbi encouraging balaniyot (mikvah attendants, often called “mikvah ladies” in America) to strongly confront women who arrive at the mikvah with halachic concerns have generated significant discussion. While every rabbi has the right to express his halachic opinion, I believe this approach reflects a serious misunderstanding of both halachah and human nature.

First, many of the issues that become points of conflict at the mikvah are not nearly as clear-cut as they are often presented. The laws of chatzitzah are detailed and nuanced. For example, neatly applied nail polish that a woman intends to keep and is not particular to remove is discussed extensively by the poskim and is not the simple, automatic disqualification that some make it out to be. More broadly, a substance that covers only a small area and that a woman is not particular about removing is often not a chatzitzah at all. These are not modern innovations. They are principles found in the Gemara, Rambam, Shulchan Aruch, and later halachic authorities.

More importantly, however, there is a larger issue. The purpose of the mikvah is to help Jewish women fulfill one of the most important mitzvot in Torah life. When the experience becomes one of interrogation, embarrassment, or public correction, the result is often the opposite of what was intended.

Many rabbis and community leaders have spent decades helping women recover from negative mikvah experiences. Countless women can tell stories of feeling judged, scrutinized, or humiliated at a time when they were trying to perform a mitzvah. Some become reluctant to return. Others avoid asking questions altogether. Some are pushed away from observance entirely.

Who bears responsibility when that happens?

The Torah commands us not only to uphold halachah but also to walk in God’s ways. Chazal repeatedly emphasize the importance of kindness, dignity, patience, and drawing people closer rather than pushing them away. A person who comes to perform a mitzvah should be met first with respect and understanding.

There is another point that is often overlooked. Virtually every woman who comes to the mikvah has a rabbi. That is how the halachic system has always functioned. Women ask questions, receive guidance, and rely upon the rulings of their own rabbanim. The role of the balanit is not to replace that rabbi, second-guess that rabbi, or impose the rulings of a different rabbi upon the woman standing before her.

Historically, the role of the balanit was primarily practical: to assist women and to ensure that the immersion itself was performed properly. She was never intended to become a personal halachic authority overriding a woman’s own rabbi or imposing standards beyond what halachah actually requires.

A woman should be able to consult her rabbi, receive guidance, and come to the mikvah with confidence rather than fear. Assistance should always be available for those who want it. But assistance is not the same as control.

A woman who comes to the mikvah is not a suspect to be investigated. She is a Jew who has come to perform a mitzvah. She should not be treated as someone trying to evade halachah, but as someone making a sincere effort to fulfill it. The role of the balanit is to assist, encourage, and help when needed, not to create an atmosphere of fear, confrontation, or embarrassment. When people feel respected, they become more committed to Torah and mitzvot. When they feel humiliated, they often walk away.

The future of Jewish observance will not be strengthened through intimidation. It will be strengthened when people experience Torah as truthful, compassionate, and respectful of human dignity.

The mikvah should be a place where women feel welcomed, supported, and uplifted. When we lose sight of that, everyone loses.

Rabbi Aaron Abadi (NY)
Son of Rabbi Yitzhak Abadi zt”l