rabbi, a minhag question, sharpening something the Rabbi has answered here before.

the gemara in pesachim 50b: the people of beit she’an had a minhag not to travel from tyre to sidon on friday, to protect their shabbos preparations. their children came to rabbi yochanan and said, our fathers were wealthy and could afford that, we cannot. he said no: your fathers already accepted it, and it stays in effect for you, like it says “listen to your father’s rebuke and do not abandon your mother’s teaching” (mishlei 1:8). so a minhag can BIND, even at a cost, even on the next generation.

but the Rabbi has also answered here, on the thread about whether a minhag of israel becomes halacha, that minhag sits below deoraisa and derabanan with built in flexibility, and ended with the rule of thumb: if it positively affects you, do it, if not, absolutely do not do it. that sounds like minhag is a personal choice, kept when it lifts you.

those two pull in opposite directions:

1. which minhagim bind and which are optional? is the line minhag kadmon vs later, or family vs town vs community, or consciously accepted vs just inherited habit?
2. whose minhag binds whom? if a person moves, marries into a different tradition, or the community itself changes, does the binding follow the person or the place?
3. in what sense is a binding minhag binding? like a neder, like derabanan, or its own category? and what releases it: hataras nedarim, changed circumstances, a posek’s call?
4. how does the “if it helps you, keep it” rule fit pesachim 50b, where the children specifically said the minhag no longer worked for them and rabbi yochanan still held them to it? when does the personal choice rule apply and when does the binding rule win?

bottom line, basically: is a binding minhag closer to a vow a person never made but still owes, or is every minhag ultimately a tool for growth that stays only while it helps? and who decides which kind any given minhag is?