Hello Rabbi!
I have enjoyed using your website. I was wondering if all of your פסקי הלכה are meant to be understood as לכתחילה? When would you be more stringent if ever?
Thank you for your time.
Jacob Levy
1 Comment
Aaron Abadi
on September 30, 2026 at 11:02 am
Hello Jacob,
Everything on this website is intended as לכתחילה unless I clearly state otherwise. When I say something is permitted, you may do it without feeling that you should really be more stringent.
My recommendation is to concentrate on keeping the actual halachah properly, rather than adding restrictions. Honesty, kindness, care in our speech, fulfilling mitzvot, and avoiding aveirot already require considerable work.
The Mesilat Yesharim presents spiritual growth in a deliberate sequence. In his introduction, he describes it as “לפי ההדרגה המצטרכת בהם לקנות אותם על נכון” – the progression necessary to acquire these qualities properly. זהירות and זריזות precede נקיות; נקיות precedes פרישות, and חסידות comes later. These stages build upon one another.
At the beginning of chapter 13, after completing his discussion of נקיות, he writes:
“כל מה שביארנו עד עתה הוא מה שמצטרך אל האדם לשיהיה צדיק ומכאן ולהלאה הוא לשיהיה חסיד.”
“Everything we have explained until now is what a person needs to become righteous; from here onward, it concerns becoming a chassid.”
My understanding is that we should establish that foundation before taking on the additional practices of פרישות and חסידות. The same chapter warns against harmful self-denial and says that applying these principles requires careful judgment.
The Rambam is also very direct. In Hilchot De’ot 3:1, he rejects the idea that avoiding ordinary permitted pleasures automatically makes a person holier. He compares extreme asceticism to the practices of monks and calls that path wrong and forbidden. He quotes the Sages:
“לא דייך מה שאסרה תורה אלא שאתה אוסר עליך דברים אחרים” – “Is what the Torah prohibited not enough, that you prohibit additional things upon yourself?”
Similarly, the Yerushalmi teaches that there are circumstances in which someone who is exempt but nevertheless performs the act is called a הדיוט. It teaches us that doing more is not automatically better.
There are situations where additional safeguards are appropriate. Someone who struggles with stealing may need particular boundaries around access to money. Someone whose sexual urges repeatedly lead toward prohibited conduct may need carefully chosen boundaries around the situations that trigger that behavior. Those measures should address the person’s actual difficulty and be proportionate to it.
The Rambam recognizes this distinction in Hilchot Nedarim 13:23–24: he praises restraints undertaken to correct one’s conduct, while advising that even appropriate restraint should generally be practiced without making vows.
Judaism is beautiful, spiritual, and meant to be lived with balance and joy. When we pile on unnecessary restrictions, we can make it unbearable for ourselves and our children, sometimes driving them away. I strongly encourage people to live a calm, normal, enjoyable Torah life: keep what is required faithfully, enjoy what is permitted, and do not assume that making life harder brings you closer to God.
Hello Jacob,
Everything on this website is intended as לכתחילה unless I clearly state otherwise. When I say something is permitted, you may do it without feeling that you should really be more stringent.
My recommendation is to concentrate on keeping the actual halachah properly, rather than adding restrictions. Honesty, kindness, care in our speech, fulfilling mitzvot, and avoiding aveirot already require considerable work.
The Mesilat Yesharim presents spiritual growth in a deliberate sequence. In his introduction, he describes it as “לפי ההדרגה המצטרכת בהם לקנות אותם על נכון” – the progression necessary to acquire these qualities properly. זהירות and זריזות precede נקיות; נקיות precedes פרישות, and חסידות comes later. These stages build upon one another.
At the beginning of chapter 13, after completing his discussion of נקיות, he writes:
“כל מה שביארנו עד עתה הוא מה שמצטרך אל האדם לשיהיה צדיק ומכאן ולהלאה הוא לשיהיה חסיד.”
“Everything we have explained until now is what a person needs to become righteous; from here onward, it concerns becoming a chassid.”
My understanding is that we should establish that foundation before taking on the additional practices of פרישות and חסידות. The same chapter warns against harmful self-denial and says that applying these principles requires careful judgment.
The Rambam is also very direct. In Hilchot De’ot 3:1, he rejects the idea that avoiding ordinary permitted pleasures automatically makes a person holier. He compares extreme asceticism to the practices of monks and calls that path wrong and forbidden. He quotes the Sages:
“לא דייך מה שאסרה תורה אלא שאתה אוסר עליך דברים אחרים” – “Is what the Torah prohibited not enough, that you prohibit additional things upon yourself?”
Similarly, the Yerushalmi teaches that there are circumstances in which someone who is exempt but nevertheless performs the act is called a הדיוט. It teaches us that doing more is not automatically better.
There are situations where additional safeguards are appropriate. Someone who struggles with stealing may need particular boundaries around access to money. Someone whose sexual urges repeatedly lead toward prohibited conduct may need carefully chosen boundaries around the situations that trigger that behavior. Those measures should address the person’s actual difficulty and be proportionate to it.
The Rambam recognizes this distinction in Hilchot Nedarim 13:23–24: he praises restraints undertaken to correct one’s conduct, while advising that even appropriate restraint should generally be practiced without making vows.
Judaism is beautiful, spiritual, and meant to be lived with balance and joy. When we pile on unnecessary restrictions, we can make it unbearable for ourselves and our children, sometimes driving them away. I strongly encourage people to live a calm, normal, enjoyable Torah life: keep what is required faithfully, enjoy what is permitted, and do not assume that making life harder brings you closer to God.