Hi am I I’m a very religious man that works around the manhattan area in a office with girls dressed undressed what would be my guidelines of being alone with them and touching me around the office since at some times there’s a few people around what can I do in order to be mutar around them
men and women in corporate environment
by 1anonymous 1anonymous | Jun 5, 2025 | Interaction with Non-Jews | 1 comment
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There are two parts to your question:
(1) What Halacha says as a general rule.
(2) What you, as a person, should do based on your own spiritual needs and self-awareness.
Let’s break this down.
1. Halachic Guidelines
There are three primary areas to consider:
A. Yichud – Being Alone with a Woman
Yichud is the prohibition of a man and woman (not married to each other) being secluded in private, due to the potential for sin. But Halacha makes clear: if you’re in an office where other people have access and could walk in at any time, and there’s no locked door or complete privacy, there is no issue of Yichud. Even if there is a locked door, but many others have keys, it is not a problem halachically.
Even if others happen to be out that day, the fact that anyone could walk in, or that people come and go regularly, means the Halachic concern of seclusion is not present.
B. Negi’ah – Physical Contact
This is often misunderstood. There is a difference between intentional, affectionate, or sexual touch, which is certainly prohibited, and incidental or culturally standard touch, like a handshake or pat on the back, or a simple hug, which many Poskim hold is not inherently forbidden—provided it is not done with any sexual intention and does not lead to arousal.
If a person knows that such contact will not affect him or her in any inappropriate way, Halacha does not prohibit it.
C. Immodest Dress Around You
You’re right—Manhattan office culture is very different than what you might hope for. But Halacha does not prohibit being in a place where others are not dressed modestly, so long as you are not actively gazing or seeking pleasure in it.
As Chazal say, “Ein apitropus le’arayot” — everyone has to know their own nature. So the Halacha doesn’t demand you close your eyes all day, but rather that you act with integrity and guard your thoughts.
2. Personal Boundaries and Self-Awareness
Halacha is not just about black-and-white rules. It also recognizes the individual person and his emotional and spiritual reality.
If you find that certain situations—like being alone in a room with a woman or engaging in friendly touch like a hug—are triggering or spiritually damaging to you, then you must establish your own safeguards.
This is called Zehirut, or watchfulness, and it’s the very first step in the path of spiritual growth, according to Mesillat Yesharim.
That’s very different than Prishut or Chassidut (extra stringencies), which is about going beyond what you need for your spiritual safety. For you, avoiding these situations may not be extra credit—it may be necessary.
3. Cultural Norms and Practical Solutions
Don’t be afraid to draw personal boundaries in a respectful and professional way. In many cultures around the world, the people also decline to shake hands with the opposite gender, and people in secular environments are more understanding than you might think.
Simply saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t shake hands,” with a smile and confidence, is often enough. Over time, people around you get used to it and respect it. This is only necessary for someone who feels that this is a necessity to maintain their boundaries,
4. Important Perspective from Chazal
There’s a passage where a sage is quoted as forbidding touch, yet the same sage is seen greeting his sister affectionately. The answer is not hypocrisy. It’s that in this area, each person must know their own heart.
Similarly, there’s a famous Gemara where a rabbi lifted up a bride on his shoulders and danced. Obviously, this is not advice for everyone—it’s there to show that when someone has absolute control and no inappropriate thoughts, the Halacha doesn’t apply rigidly.
But if you do have concerns, don’t rely on this example—set boundaries that will protect you.
Final Thoughts
You are right to ask this question. You’re not crazy, and you’re not weak. You are doing what Halacha wants: being real, honest, and responsible with yourself. So don’t overdo it, but also don’t lie to yourself. Stay in tune with your own struggles and take practical steps to protect your soul.