Hi,
Two related questions:
1. When you answer that something “is fine,” does that mean it is fully permitted, or that it is acceptable but not ideal, something to start with and grow from? And does growing in halacha mean becoming more and more stringent?
2. My rabbi compares the world to a hospital, where the treatment fits the patient. When a ruling is made for a specific person, how are mental or emotional distress and physical illness weighed? When does pikuach nefesh become relevant, and what are the limits of tailoring halacha to a person’s situation while still keeping them fully observant?
1. When I say something is “fine,” what does that mean?
When I say something is fine, I mean it is permitted lechatchilah — completely allowed from the outset.
If something is permitted only bedieved (after the fact), or besha’at hadechak (in difficult circumstances), I’ll say so.
We don’t believe in prohibiting things that are permitted. Growing in halachah means becoming more knowledgeable and understanding the Torah better. It does not mean becoming more and more stringent. Being stricter is not necessarily being more observant.
2. How does halachah account for someone’s personal circumstances?
This is precisely why we need qualified Poskim.
A rabbi who has properly studied the Gemara, Rishonim, Acharonim, and halachah, and has been trained to make halachic decisions, needs to understand the person’s circumstances and know how to apply the halachah appropriately.
And he needs seichel — good judgment. Not everyone has that.
Mental and psychological health are extremely important. People don’t always appreciate how serious addiction, depression, trauma, PTSD, and other psychological conditions can become.
For example, someone in the early stages of recovery from addiction, attending a 12-step program, may be dealing with a situation involving pikuach nefesh. Anyone who has attended AA meetings knows how frequently people speak about suicidal thoughts or attempts in their past. These can be very serious, life-threatening situations.
Similarly, someone may need to attend a residential treatment program for a week or two to address serious trauma or psychological difficulties.
If the treatment is necessary for the person’s safety, and the facility cannot accommodate normal kashrut or Shabbat observance, then those needs must be considered in light of pikuach nefesh. If eating the available food or participating in the treatment is necessary, they should do what is necessary and not worry about the mitzvot and aveirot. They can return to their normal observance when the situation has stabilized.
The treating therapist, psychiatrist, or physician should be involved in assessing the medical and psychological risks. A qualified Posek must understand those realities when applying halachah.
And remember, ספק פיקוח נפש דוחה שבת. Even a genuine possibility of danger to life is enough. We don’t need to wait until someone is in immediate danger of dying.
The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 328:2) says:
מי שיש לו חולי של סכנה מצוה לחלל עליו את השבת והזריז הרי זה משובח והשואל הרי זה שופך דמים
In a dangerous situation, we don’t delay necessary treatment to ask a rabbi for permission. We act immediately.
Of course, not every emotional difficulty is automatically pikuach nefesh. The circumstances and the potential dangers need to be understood.
Ultimately, you need a Posek who knows the halachah, understands people, listens to medical professionals, and knows how to make a proper decision.
This isn’t something that can be reduced to a booklet of rules. Every situation needs to be understood on its own merits.