Hello,
This question has been in my mind and affecting my spiritual growth for years. Is G-d really punishing us direclty for everything we don’t do, even when we are trying to grow, or G-d’s providence is always to the positive and we connect with it when we do Mitzvot?
It seems that the Jewish world nowadays, particularly with the influence of mysticism and Kabbalah, believe in the first option. I find disturbing to believe in a punishing G-d, because it contradicts his perfection and these ideas are very anthropomorphic. Theodicy is not helpful for spiritual growth.
After reading the Guide of the Perplexed I feel that the Rambam’s approach is beautiful and healthy. G-d’s providence is there, always, and we connect we it the more we do Mitzvot and improve our middot and knowledge. What happen to us is just the way the nature works, but not a direct punishment from G-d. The less we connect, the more we live affected by the ways of nature.
What are your thoughts?
First of all, I don’t remember exactly where, but I know we’ve spoken about this before. Check the Resources and Torah Talks section, and probably the podcasts as well. I’m fairly sure I addressed this topic there in more detail.
But to give a quick response: I think you are absolutely correct. Anyone who truly understands the concept of God understands that the simplistic image of an “angry punishing God” does not really make sense. The Torah sometimes speaks in human language because human beings need a way to relate to concepts that are beyond us. So it describes God as “angry” or “happy,” but God is not physical, not emotional in the human sense, and not subject to changing moods the way people are.
The world was created as a place of challenge, growth, and free choice. We are placed into this world with strengths, weaknesses, struggles, desires, confusion, and difficult situations, and our job is to work through them and build ourselves. In a sense, life is like an obstacle course. If everything were always easy and perfect, there would be no purpose to the exercise and no real opportunity for growth.
What people often call “punishment” is usually better understood as part of the structure of the world we live in. There are consequences, limitations, natural realities, and spiritual distance that come from the choices we make. The more a person develops wisdom, good middot, and connection to God, the more aligned and elevated his life becomes. The farther a person moves away from that, the more he experiences the world in its harsher and more chaotic form.
I think the Rambam’s approach is extremely healthy and important in this area. God’s providence is not about emotional reactions or revenge. God’s providence is always there, and the more a person develops himself properly, the more he connects to it.
And most importantly, God is not expecting perfection. The goal is sincere effort, honesty, growth, and continued striving. A person should not live with fear that God is constantly looking to “beat him up.” That mindset is unhealthy and, in my opinion, deeply misunderstands both God and the purpose of Torah.
The first step in serving God properly is gaining clarity about who God is and what this world is actually about.
Thank you Rabbi for your reply. Your insights are always refreshing. Yes, we discussed before ideas related to this topic but I never asked the question direclty.
I want to ask another question related to this. This is a personal issue but I think my question and the answer may help other people with a similar dilema.
How do we manage different levels of observance and spiritual development between the family? I am talking between wife, husband and children. Let me explain myself.
My wife and I have a different rythm of spiritual growth and even a different perspective on it. We have a 7 years old daughter as well and we have different opinions on how to properly infuse her a strong Jewish identity.
When we started our lives together and started our own family we started as well the road to a more observant household, but we made many mistakes, particularly taking very strict views of Halakha and trying to do an all or nothing approach. This ended up creating horrible fights and even some grudment towards Judaism and Halakha, particularly for my wife. It created mental health issues as well. Sometimes I was so into learning and perfection that I didn’t enjoy moments with my wife and daughter that I would to had. At some point we decided to stop and I switched my perspective, due to many difficulties in those years. I started to learn from other views and from places like this website and Rabbis like you. We decided to take things very slowly and at our own pace, each one individually.
Now things are advancing at slow but very stable steps. I don’t want to hurt my family again and I don’t want my daughter to hate Judaism because she sees it hurts his dad or create division in his family. I want to enjoy them to the fullest. So, in this case, what Halakha and or tradition says about permitting certain averot in order to create in the future someone that will love the Mitzvot, G-d and out tradition?
For example: We have clear no on certain things. I would never permit my daughter to eat seafood or pork and we try to keep a full kosher home, but, sometimes if we go out my wife order what she fancy (just no pork or seafood but sometimes treif meat) or we let our daughter eat a burger, etc. She has no religious grandparents, so, we need to be careful with that as well, she loves them and we don’t want to create division. She know that it is not the ideal, I always tell her that, I don’t hide the facts to her, but I try to be strict with me and lenient with them so she create conscience and love for Judaism. The same for Shabbat, we try to keep it as much as we can, particularly inside our house, but in a city with just 300 Jews and most of them non observant, without an Eruv, we sometimes compromise in order to create in her love for Shabbat, like taking her to the park or to a musem, the Zoo, etc. We try to pay in advance or do what is possible in our context to keep as much as possible, sometimes being very difficult or impossible, but always trying. This is not always the case and again, we know it is not what Halakha prescibes, and we explain this to her and are full aware of it, but the intention is to keep mental health, Shalom Bayit and to create a strong Jewish identity between our family and love for Torah and Mitzvot.
What I can say for experience is that it is working. She expect Shabbat always with happiness, she is everyday more aware of what we should and shouldn’t do, she loves to be with her Jewish friends, she loves our holidays and the synagogue, my wife and I don’t have issues anymore and my wife is becoming more closer to Judaism and tradition. I know it may take years and that our context may not permit us at this moment or in the near future to be as observant, but we always look for improvement, always with love and with clarity, being aware of our reality, our context and our health.
Hello. I would never dare trying to attempt answering your question. However there is something I wish to remark. It has been my consistent experience that kids, including non Jewish kids, tend to be much more interested in fries than in burgers. There is nothing fancy with burgers that are made with the lowest quality meat (and the lowest quality cheese). Your daughter, being a child, is not really obligated in eating kosher, still, as you say, it’s not ideal to eat treif; but then again, there are options in most restaurants, including fast food. I speak from personal experience having lived and traveled with children in cities with much less than 300 Jews. Wishing you and your family much success in your path.
First, I want to tell you that I think the path you chose was very wise, and your own experience already taught you an important truth that many people unfortunately learn too late.
Judaism, connection with God, mitzvot, and spiritual growth are not black and white. When people turn religion into an “all or nothing” system, it often becomes a disaster. Instead of building connection, love, meaning, and stability, it can create anxiety, resentment, fighting, guilt, and eventually rejection of Judaism itself.
A person has to build carefully, gradually, and honestly. There is no race. You do not become closer to God by trying to force yourself or your family into a level that emotionally, mentally, or spiritually you are not yet ready to sustain. If the rituals become robotic, pressured, or fear-based, then much of the meaning is lost.
Chazal themselves recognized this complexity. The Gemara even discusses the idea of “aveirah lishmah” — that sometimes a technically wrong act done for the right purpose can be spiritually greater than a mitzvah done without sincerity or understanding. Of course, this is not a blanket permission to ignore Halakha, but it teaches us that Judaism recognizes human reality, human psychology, intention, and long-term growth.
What you are describing is not rebellion against Judaism. Quite the opposite. You realized that the previous approach was hurting your wife, your daughter, your marriage, and even your own relationship with Torah. So you stepped back, slowed down, and rebuilt in a healthier and more sustainable way. Thank God you did.
One of the most important things parents must remember is that every human being has bechirah — free choice. You teach your children, guide them, inspire them, and create a loving Jewish atmosphere, but ultimately they must choose Judaism themselves. If a child only experiences religion as pressure, fear, arguments, and control, then many times the child eventually rebels, not necessarily against God, but against the pain associated with religion.
Children need breathing room. Husbands and wives need breathing room. Families need patience and mutual respect. Everyone grows at a different rhythm. One person may move faster in one area and slower in another. That is normal.
From what you describe, your daughter loves Shabbat, loves Jewish friends, loves holidays, loves synagogue, and associates Judaism with warmth and happiness. That is an enormous success. Never underestimate how important that is. A child who genuinely loves Judaism will usually continue growing throughout life.
As for practical observance, of course we should always try to move in the right direction where possible. For example, regarding restaurants, there is actually a tremendous amount that can be eaten as completely kosher depending on the place. On our website we even have an “Eating Out” section under Resources to help people navigate this realistically and practically. So yes, whenever possible, gently move things in a better direction. But gently is the key word.
Do not push too hard. Do not rush. People need time. Spiritual growth that is forced usually does not last. Growth that comes with understanding, love, stability, and inner connection is much more real and much more enduring.
What impressed me most in your message is not where you currently hold religiously, but your honesty, self-awareness, humility, and willingness to learn from your mistakes. That itself is a very meaningful form of spiritual growth.