How does one truly let go of anger or avoid holding a grudge? The Rambam and modern psychology both point to a powerful tool: perspective.

Often, we feel hurt or insulted because we see a situation from a narrow angle. But when we pause and reframe it — when we change the context or imagine the event differently — our emotional response can shift dramatically.

Imagine someone cuts you off on the highway. Your immediate reaction might be frustration or anger. But if you imagine that the driver’s wife is in labor and he’s racing to get to the hospital — suddenly, you feel understanding instead of rage. The event hasn’t changed, but your interpretation of it has.

Or consider someone throwing a shoe at you. If it’s your neighbor or coworker, it may spark offense. But if it’s your young child or grandchild playing around, it could bring laughter. Again, the action is the same — your emotional reaction shifts with the context.

Or think about a person in your community who struggles with emotional or psychological difficulties. If they say something rude or inappropriate, you’re far less likely to take it personally. But if the same words came from a trusted friend, you might feel deeply hurt. Perspective lets us filter how much weight we assign to another’s actions.

This is what the Rambam means when he calls these situations hevel — vanity, nonsense, not worth the emotional toll. He’s not telling us to suppress our emotions or deny our experience, but rather to zoom out and ask: Is this really worth my peace of mind? Is this person capable of better? Is this moment central to my life, or can I let it go?

This approach isn’t about being passive — it’s about being emotionally free. You may still make thoughtful decisions, such as setting boundaries or limiting interactions. But you can do so without clinging to resentment.

Reframing isn’t denial. It’s wisdom. And when we apply that wisdom, anger loses its grip, and we reclaim our calm, dignity, and compassion