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Author:  confused
E-mail:  ido613@aemail.com
Date:  12/19/2003 2:07:00 AM
Subject:  confused
Message:  Dear Rabbi,
first i'd like to thank you for all your time and efforts you put in to answer all our questions. Rabbi, I'm a bit confused in regard to your answer about living the life of kollel. In my circles it is very much accepted to marry someone learning in kollel. More then that it's a given. In school all they tell us is kollel kollel kollel. It's the best greatest and latest thing to go into to. Aside from what i was taught in school, i also truly feel i want someome who's gonna sit and learn most of the day.(brainwashed me well didn't they?) In any case,my question to you is should i (or my parents) work hard to support someone learning? or are they just sitting over 2 lines the whole day anyway? could it be that that kind of learning is lishma? because G-d commanded them to learn His Torah? If you could please clarify this for me, i would greatly appreciate it. and again thanx for everything!
Reply:  Good question! The other robots teach you to be robots like themselves.
The learning Lishmah, means studying Jewish Law in order to know it, follow it, and teach it. The concept is knowing the laws that people must follow daily, weekly, monthly. Sitting for months annalyzing about what to do if a woman's husband dies and she had no children but one of her brothers was married to sister's cousin, is she required to do Yibum?! Irrelevant to our daily lives. Wonderful Gemaras, but certainly not something one is allowed to study prior to being 100% fluent in all practical Jewish Law.
That way of learning is a "SIN." As per the Shela"h and everyone else. If you are lucky and you find that one out of a thousand guy who will be studying Practical Halachah in the proper manor, under the proper direction, without dirty clothing, without bad character traits, without an ego as large as a watermellon, then grab him. Tie him to a chair and force him to marry you. Otherwise, find a nice working boy with determination, motivation, and a drive to follow the Laws of God, and to balance himself between Torah and work. Don't forget, this is your biggest investment yet. You are investing yourself as a lifetime partner to someone. Invest wisely, or stick with the plan set for the daughter of Yiftach.

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