Q & A Board - View Post
Author:  Mrs. Confused
E-mail:  not available
Date:  12/21/2005 5:13:00 PM
Subject:  Status of things
Message:  Regarding Shidduchim

1. Yes we have called the Rabbi of our synagogue's wife. Also every other Rabbi and Rebbetzen of any synagogue that we know of in NY, Florida and CA as well as a number in Israel.

2. We have contacted a number of shadchanim of all stripes including Sephardic, Chassidishe and Yeshivishe.

3. We have printed "resumes" with pictures for our daughter and followed up phone calls with emails and mailings of the "vital information along with a picture".

4. Our daughter has been willing to and has gone out with men as old as thirty although she is only 18. (her friends are mostly older however and have been going through this for a few years already).

5. We have not limited the choices to men from America. Our daughter is fluent in Spanish, speaks French and is also conversant in Hebrew. She has gone out with non English speakers as well. We have not limited to any group or sect either. Our only criteria has been four grandparents who are born Jews.

6. Our daughter is not the only one in the same predicament. All of our friends are experiencing the same thing. None of these girls are "ugly", "deformed" or "obese". They are all nice, well educated, religious girls from good, intact religious homes. The boys who
call to reject our daughter after the first date tell her she is very pretty, nice, well educated and has fine middot. She has been told over and over again that "there is nothing wrong with her, just that they are not ready to get married and she is shomer negiah".
These are 24-30 year old boys, not 18 year olds.

It does not seem as though one can find a young man who wishes to consider marriage before age thirty. Then even when an 18 year old girl will go out with a thirty year old (which I don't recommend but it seems to be the reality), the thirty year old becomes scared off if the girl "seems too serious" or announces before they go out that she is "shomer negiah".

It is hard to believe that a young man at age 24 -30 who is "not interested in a girl who is Shomer negiah", who is not sure if they are ready to get married although they say there is nothing wrong with my daughter (or any of her friends) is not "doing something wrong".

By the way, although my daughter is willing to date Baalei Teshuva and even boys who are not yet religious but who would be willing to keep Shabbat, Kashrut and Family Laws, she has so far only been introduced to "frum, yeshiva educated boys most of whom show up for a date wearing the black and white uniform of a frum boy".

Something is terribly terribly wrong and it is wrong all over. My friends and relatives in NY, NJ and Israel are telling me the same thing.
Reply:  Wow! It sounds pretty rough out there. Keep up your faith and be patient and things will work out for your daughter. I cannot say the same for those boys/men you are referring to.

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