Q & A Board - View Post
Author:  BARRY
E-mail:  not available
Date:  1/24/2005 1:11:00 PM
Message:  What is one supposed to do .When they are davening in a shul for manny years ,and the rav

makes a simcha and invites 90% of the shul and leaves me out.His reasoning is because since I only
daven there on SHABBOS morning I a'm not a memeber.Even though I a'm davening there every shabbos and yom tov for the past 8 years .Do you leave the shul and consider the RAV a kamtza bar kamtza .Besides being maviash chavaro brabam .
p.s money is not an issue just lack of common sense. And this happend to a few people in the shul
and it is a 100% true story .What should I do
and is there any justification for a RAV to do this

thank you

Reply:  I think you should go to the wedding and even give a check. I don't believe he will kick you out, even though he didn't invite you. It will show him and others that you are the better man.

And to put in my two cents....

A Rabbi who invites Machloket (fighting) that is not Leshem Shamaim (for the sake of God) is certainly not much of a capable Rabbi to say the least. Sometimes this can be based on some miscommunication or something. He may have been told Lashon Harah about you that he believed without confronting you. But again, a Rabbi who listens to that without proper verification is also not much of a capable Rabbi to say the least.

A real Rabbi is Ohev Shalom VeRodef Shalom. He loves peace and strives for peace. He is the peacemaker. A real Rabbi never lets anyone be insulted. Even if we are expected to rebuke someone we are still required to be very delicate to a point where we do not at all insult them. A real Rabbi has Midot that are outstanding, that all can see he is special.

You hit a lemon, sorry. But now you should back off and stop reliving it every day. God will handle him. Anything that happens to you is only from God. Don't waste time being angry at the messenger, even if he enjoyed his little errand. Don't worry, God will handle him. Maybe one day he'll call you and apologize. Even if he thinks his logic and motives are justified, if he sees how much he hurt you he should certainly be devastated. He should be calling you daily begging for forgiveness.

The Chazon Ish says that the problem when a Rabbi does something like this is two-fold. First he insults people causing them all types of aggravation. Then he also causes many to learn from his actions, thinking he is right. This is how we should act.

How many regular people would act like that. I understand you confronted him and got a song and dance. I don't know anyone who if confronted with a "why didn't you invite me to your wedding," would not say, "Oh! I'm so sorry," and then try making some baloney excuse. Certainly a Rabbi should be ten steps above that. Where do they get these people.

If this Rabbi is by coincidence on this site ever, I welcome his response and would love to hear his side of the story. If he responds, I will post it unedited.

The main thing is to call it like it is. If you were hurt, God was sending you a message. Clean up your act, trust in God, and keep away from these type Rabbis.

I heard your new Shul is turning out nice. Enjoy and put the past where it belongs, in the past.

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